La Vie. C'est Belle.

Life, so fragile, so enigmatic, so fleeting. Yet in these seemingly dismal elements of our being, is where I find beauty.

Last night, whilst on Skype with my dear boyfriend, Darius, his toddler brother (called Chubbs due to his roly-poly state of being) of whom I had grown quite fond of, and he of me, wobbled into his bed room and made his way on to the bed where the computer sat. His full moon eyes, slimy lips and miniature teeth filled up the entire screen. I heard the gibberish I had long ago understood to be my name, and responded with glee. After a conversation of incoherent jib-jab, he rested his head on the bed to where I could only see one radiant brown eye, a bisected button nose, and half of a set of supple lips. Darius began tenderly stroking his back and Chubbs’ eyes shut longer than a blink, but shorter than a rest. They closed again for a bit longer. They closed one last time and I saw a blanket of serenity swaddle his bare back. His faced twitched and I knew he was probably having tea with panda bears in Shanghai or bouncing along in the pouch of a kangaroo in the Land Down Under. He was so beautiful just lying there in all his vulnerability. His back, rising and falling sweetly under Darius’ hand. Now more than ever I envied Darius. He’d always thought me to be off my rocker for envying his family situation. While he had always less than delighted about having eight siblings, I, only having only one brother, would have traded him places any day. Though swimming in warm and fuzzy feelings, an emerald lamp of envy glowed within. But just as quickly as the virescent monster reared its ghastly head, I drove it from my mind with the thought that just perhaps, the grass is not so much greener on the other side. Nevertheless, I decided that to be sure, I will travel to the “other side” and when I’m older, have my own family so that I too one day will be able to feel this and the many things that accompany it. I will have my own children whom I can smother in deep maternal affection. I have today been convinced that there can be no greater joy, nor beauty in life than life itself. Thus, for now, with the promise of that day on the horizon, I am satisfied. And whilst I presently have no children to occupy my time and energy, am off to indulge myself in another adventure on my bicycle.